Writing Prompt - The Elevator

I use "writing prompt" loosely for this one. This is a reply to a silly DeviantArt forum post. I spent too long on it. I overthought it. I made it more complicated than it needed to be...all for the sake of comedy.


Original post:

DoubleDanE: "Have you ever thought, as you entered an elevator, that surely some day it will stop in-between floors? That try as you may, you'd be stuck in there, until firefighters come, and save the day. So DA, what would you do if you were trapped in an elevator, with nothing but the clothes on your back- a brown paper bag with a sandwich in it- a bottle of water- some floss in your pocket- and a fifty year old Ronald McDonald on LSD as the only other passenger in that elevator?"

My response:

RieselUniverse: "Firstly, I would pinch a piece of bread from my sandwich and toss it against the wall. Since it's Italian bread with baked cheese atop, Ronald would be hopelessly attracted to it and knock himself out due to the sheer force of him diving and whacking his head on the wall.

"Next, I would take the floss and soak it in my water bottle for a few minutes, then string one end into the control panel of the elevator. I would proceed to eat half of my salient sandwich, allowing the spicy ranch, tangy swiss cheese, and sweet ham to coat my tongue with pleasure, dramatically boosting my confidence in this traumatizing ordeal.

"The third step would be to remove Ronald's tacky wig, careful to avoid the underlying lice and stale, corrosive hair gel, and then rub the wig on the floor fast enough to build a static charge. Swiftly, I would apply the charged wig to the other end of the soaked floss.

"The powerful charge would travel through the water in the floss and into the electronics of the elevator, giving it enough of a jolt to restart its systems and send it on its way. I would then consume the remainder of my delectable sandwich while wiping tears of joy from my eyes.


(Ronald McDonald © McDonald's Corporation)

- Roystonn Pruitt, 6/30/14